There is a song by Bette Midler called The Rose that goes like this, “It’s the heart that is afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It’s the dream that is afraid of waking that never takes the chance.” I felt that this song seems to parallel my journey in choosing my dream job journey in my younger days.
My first dream job
I think I wanted to be a teacher as far back as when I was a teenager playing FLYFF. Playing the online fantasy game today, I had to choose a particular job class for my character Lalalee in order to progress in the game as she had to specialize after reaching level 15. She could not gain experience as a vagrant anymore if she does not make a decision to specialize and choose a job she like and she will be stuck at level 15.
Graduation from school did feel that way as we had this dilemma which is to choose a job of our dreams or take another job that is not our heart’s desire. Back in my younger days, being in the position of a “vagrant” I took part time jobs in other job roles like marketing for a car company and customer service in the community club.
These jobs somehow made me questioned my heart’s desire on what I truly want to do everyday once I reached the metaphorical level of graduation from being a vagrant at 15. If I need to progress, I knew deep down that I would like to choose the teaching path and would have to enter the education field. Throughout the years, there were many obstacles like dealing with the metaphorical monsters in the FLYFF game where we have to defend ourselves when we are out on real world battlefield. However, the hardest part to defend will actually be the internal which is the heart. Facing many heart breaking obstacles externally, it is not easy to stay the part of one’s heart desire.
It is the dream that is afraid of waking
In the game, I decided to follow my heart again and chose the acrobat as I enjoyed watching the bow and arrow and slings in the fantasy game. I did not want to choose other job classes as I thought this was my dream job for my Lalalee. As the song goes, “It’s the dream that is afraid of waking that never takes the chance.” It reminded me that at certain times I did not take action to fulfill my dream as I did not dare to take the chance again.
My online game challenge and taking the step to fulfill the dream
Gaming does feel therapeutic as I did reflect back on the “vagrant” days where I struggled with a desired dream role when I spent months away from. In FLYFF, I found it particularly challenging to enter the dream job of an acrobat. I went to some lengths to watch guided video so as to fulfill the game quests in order to qualify as an acrobat as I got lost in the fictional world of FLYFF like going west of Florene instead of east to meet the acrobat instructor.
Finally, seeing Lalalee going to the right direction and interacting with the right characters got her qualified as an acrobat is fulfilling. Watching her dance and twirl around with her newly minted bow felt like I had come full circle in taking the chance on my dream. Looking back at how I ventured into the field of education, it did felt like I was courageously living a dream despite getting lost by going west instead of east. I believed it had been an arduous journey filled with dancing to the tune of the heart and facing existential questions like is this what I am called to do ?It is never easy though when I chose other job classes and spent some months or years away from fulfilling the dream.
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